How do you run a fun action-adventure series into the ground? Apparently, you put Lauren Schmidt Hissrich in charge of it. Clearly not a fan of the material, Hissrich does everything she can to change the series’ focus to any vagina…er character other than Geralt (you know, The Witcher). As a result, in this season, just like the newly minted bi-sexual Jaskier, fans get it right up the rear.

The Witcher: Season 3 Vol. 2

The final three episodes of this season see Geralt uninvolved, embarrassed, seriously injured, and convalescing as a now completely uninteresting Yennifer does some ill-defined magic stuff, and Ciri walks through the desert with a horse with no name, all of which culminates to the introduction of a host of snarky girl bosses for Season 4. Yay?

1 Vacation

2 Shop

3 Amazon

While Volume 2 shares most of Volume 1’s shortcomings, it does improve on its pacing, but only slightly, by including more fight scenes. The first episode picks up immediately from where the previous one left off, with the mage’s conclave being invaded by an elven army because humans bad, mages bad, elves displaced, political intrigue… you get it.

In what is the season’s singular engaging set piece, much of the first episode is devoted to a battle in which actors portraying wizards vaguely wave their hands around while looking either constipated or like they’re posing for a Prince album cover, all while poorly rendered CGI balls of various colors and sizes do indeterminate yet damaging things to Bronze Age warriors who brought swords and bows to a magic fight, yet manage to give as good as they get (because the showrunners never played DnD).

Unfortunately, the show has done a miserable job of defining who’s who and what’s what. So much so that everyone, save Geralt and his crew, seem like awful and evil conniving creeps whose loyalties change more often than Kim Kardashian changes questionable boyfriends. The result is that the viewer knows not for whom to root or jeer; furthermore, they’re given no reason to care.

But let not your hearts be troubled; the battle is quickly ended by some never before-mentioned magic MacGuffin. Then, the new star of the show, Ciri, is MacGuffined to the middle of a desert that happens to be possessed by a ghostly MacGuffin.

Although, the real fun begins as we are introduced to what must be the new middle school-aged writers who got permission to drop f-bombs for the first time. In between Ciri’s screeching curses, the audience is treated to Ciri walking, Ciri talking to herself, Ciri playing Fear Factor, and, of course, a starved, dehydrated, and unarmed Ciri being a bigger bad@$$ than Geralt.

With a plot that only starts to take shape in the final episode and an antagonist that the show’s creator hates, performances that are better than the material aren’t enough to save Season 3 of The Witcher, and we doubt that Liam Hemsworth will be enough to save Season 4.

**UPDATE** Thanks to the writers/actors strike, Season 4 has been postponed indefinitely. Season 3 may be The Witcher’s last.

See our review of Season 3 Vol. 1.

WOKE ELEMENTS

• Geralt had virtually no role this season. He no longer cares about ridding the world of monsters, instead wanting to play house with Yennifer and Ciri. Which is fine, except that he is regularly outmatched and outshone in his own series by gal supporting characters… because.
• By the season’s end, all but one “good” male mage is dead,
• An unarmed, malnourished, and dehydrated to the point of delirium Ciri can leap ten feet in the air to easily defeat an armored two-storied beast that would have taken a peak and armed Geralt several minutes to beat.
• 90 lbs obnoxious girl boss who confuses snark for personality is introduced as Geralt’s new traveling companion.
• A host of obnoxious girl bosses who confuse snark for personality are introduced to become Ciri’s new bosom buddies for next season.
• The DEI casting is forced, obvious, and distracting.