The original Planet of the Apes franchise, launched with the 1968 film, was not only a groundbreaking piece of science fiction but also a cultural phenomenon. The film’s memorable ape makeup was a revolutionary achievement in cinema at the time, earning John Chambers an honorary Academy. Interestingly, its most iconic line, “Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!” was ad-libbed by its star, Charlton Heston.

Kingdom of The Planet of The Apes

The Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes is set “many generations” after the conclusion of 2017’s War for the Planet of the Apes. In this post-apocalyptic world, ape societies have flourished while humans have been reduced to a feral-like existence. The story follows a young chimpanzee named Noa, who embarks on a journey alongside a human woman named Mae. Together, they seek to determine the future for both apes and humans alike.

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Kingdom of The Planet of The Apes Review

The latest Planet of The Apes installment is just another in what seems like a neverending succession of movies with all the right ingredients except the storytelling ability to gel them together. Director of the now-defunct Maze Runner series, Wes Ball, and writers Josh Friedman (Terminator: Dark Fate), Rick Jaffa (Jurassic World), and Amanda Silver (Jurassic World) will have you asking more than just “how does this movie about virtually nothing have three writers,” but also, “when will the nothing end?”

With nine films (including the original franchise and the Marky Mark disaster) spanning over sixty years, the concept obviously holds enough interest for the movie-going public to justify this installment’s existence. It’s too bad, then, that Ball (whose expertise lies in visual effects and video graphics) and crew seem to have no concept of pacing, character development, and how to pen meaningful dialogue.

Kingdom of The Planet of The Apes has all of the cool-if-clichéd reveals and twists one might expect from an easy-to-digest yet fun sci-fi action thriller. Unfortunately, the filmmakers appear to go out of their way to elaborate on uninteresting moments and simple concepts only to rush through core storytelling components. Leaving the audience in a general malaise and apathetic coma.

For instance, the film opens with a title screen that summarizes the events of the three previous films. Then, it displays a several-minute-long narrated prologue that more or less gives the same information (at least the narratively important bits). Then, about a quarter of the way through, it introduces a character who practically relays everything from both sequences again, only this time it’s told over the course of several scenes. Yet, the “big” reveal about the main human is tossed away like a Rian Johnson Lukesaber, and important antagonists aren’t (poorly) introduced until the film’s last minutes.

Since we’re discussing the main human anyway, let’s take a moment to discuss Freya Allan, who plays the lead human role of Mae. She’s a fine actress, but her delicate features and childlike stature make her character’s survival in an incredibly hostile environment in which humans are killed on sight less believable than the film’s subpar CGI apes. Wasn’t ruining The Witcher enough? There’s willful suspension of disbelief, and then there’s casting a chihuahua as a German Shepherd.

Freya’s miscasting aside, the film falters on virtually every narrative front. Having fun and thoughtful twists only matters to audiences if they care about to whom they are happening or haven’t been put to sleep before they are finally enacted (I wasn’t joking about the woman’s snoring keeping me awake). Furthermore, it takes more than thirty seconds at the film’s climax to give audiences the sense of engagement necessary for a cathartic payoff. Finally, the reveal in question must be meaningful unto itself. Finding out that you’ve been sitting through one hundred and thirty-five minutes of a one hundred and forty-five-minute fetch-quest for something that you’ve been given no reason to care about does not equal excitement.

Were arcs not both truncated and rushed for many characters, and the plot not wholly driven by a mixture of Stormtrooper janitor convenience (generations-old miraculously rust-free seaside technology powers up without issue) and blatant stupidity (leaving through the VERY large VERY noisy HEAVILY GUARDED front door of a building you snuck into from a secret back door because you didn’t want the bad guys to figure out how to open the front door), perhaps even these shortcomings could be overlooked.

Regrettably, not even the movie’s visuals can save it. Out of thousands of cuts and almost two hundred minutes of film, only a single brief scene stands out as one in which any of the apes appeared real. So, while the cinematography was generally good, and the action had the earmarks of potential thrills, the juxtaposition of realistic environments and north of “National Geographic’s T-Rex Walks Again” apes is jarring enough to disengage the audience from the all-important empathic connection with the film’s main protagonist and his non-human allies.

It’s not all bad with The Kingdom of The Planet of The Apes; the lead character, Noa, is pleasant, and his motivations are identifiable enough for us to root for his success. The performances are better than the atrociously bad dialogue and last-generation CGI. Furthermore, the filmmakers do a decent job of sprinkling in unobtrusive Easter eggs and nods to previous films from both this and the original franchise.

Ultimately, The Kingdom of The Planet of The Apes is a disappointment that hardcore fans of the Ceasar franchise may be able to enjoy but is otherwise a complete waste of quite a bit of time.

WOKE ELEMENTS

No Movie’s Complete Without A Waif Girlboss

• The casting for the lead actress is ridiculous. Nothing against her talent, but in a post-apocalyptic world in which the law is that of the jungle, her stature, model good looks, perfect hair, sculpted eyebrows, and complete lack of muscle tone was less believable than Willam H. Macy’s beard.
• The 80 lbs toneless waif of a girl bodily takes down an enemy more than twice her size by strangulation.
• The same itty bitty girl never gets injured once, while her male Chimpanzee (with at least 5 times the strength of an average man) counterpart regularly gets the crap beat out of him.
• She is brave, smart, and cunning, while the men are either cowards and traitors, evil, ignorant savages, or pleasantly naive.
• Her character arc goes from her being justified in all behaviors and right about everything to being justified in all behaviors and right about everything.
• ***SPOILER ALERT*** Virtually every Vault Dweller is a Victoria’s Secret model. ***END SPOILER***