- Starring
- Bryce Dallas Howard, Sam Rockwell
- Director
- Matthew Vaughn
- Rating
- PG-13
- Genre
- Action, Adventure, Spy, Thriller
- Release date
- February 2, 2024
Overall Score
Rating Overview
Rating Summary
Argylle is far from the first cinematic spy thrillers. In that pantheon, Alfred Hitchcock’s “The 39 Steps” is the genre’s alpha dog, hitting theaters in 1935. This cinematic gem unfolds the tale of Richard Hannay, an everyday guy thrust into a web of espionage when a mysterious dame meets an untimely demise in his digs. Hitchcock’s genius shines through in this trailblazer, injecting suspense, enigma, and unexpected turns that would later define spy flicks. With his signature storytelling finesse, Hitchcock not only birthed a classic but also laid the groundwork for the slew of espionage epics that followed suit.
Argylle
When she discovers that her best-selling book series is far less fictional than she believed, world-famous spy novelist Elly Conway finds herself embroiled in a real-life tale of high-stakes espionage.
Best known for Kick-Ass and the Kingsman series, director Matthew Vaughn is no stranger to big-budget films that go boom. His distinctive blend of crisp English style and over-the-top action often makes for a refreshing two-hour departure from reality. Unfortunately, Argylle is not one of them. Instead, it fails on virtually every level of filmmaking.
The critically undervalued Sam Rockwell phones in a performance so underwhelming that audiences will struggle to remember his character’s name by the time the credits roll. Conversely, Bryce Dallas Howard seems to think that she’s in a serious drama and gives it her all but, seemingly lacks any comedic instincts.
Poorly defined and executed characters aren’t strictly the domain of those two; Bryan Cranston never seems to know whether he’s Dr. Evil or Dr. No, and Samuel L. Jackson appears happy to collect a paycheck but offers nothing else.
Vaughn and second-tier screenwriter Jason Fuchs (Wonder Woman) were clearly far more in love with what they believed to be creative twists than they were with making a cohesive story. Argylle is a hodgepodge of continually shifting tones that never establishes a rhythm. After its interminably slow and boring fifteen-minute setup, the action kicks into overdrive only to come to a screeching halt once again, and so on and so on.
The performances, too, lack cohesiveness. One moment, Howard’s Elly is in the midst of a profound emotional crisis, with Howard delivering a sincere and earnest performance befitting a serious drama. Then, in the next, Sam Rockwell is leaping six feet in the air, breaking through a hardwood floor Incredible Hulk-style to lay waste to a roomful of heavily armed trained killers like he’s John Wick in Equilibrium only to jarringly shift to a “comedic” conversation about the proper way to crush skulls, and the juxtaposition makes for a distractingly uneven film.
None of it meshes, likely in part due to an incredibly dumb and retreaded story that substitutes story beats with plot holes and originality with contrivance. Not a single scene or solution is completed due to competence. Rather, coincidence and MacGuffins drive this derivative narrative.
The film’s PG-13 violence is another handicap for Vaughn and crew. Most of the filmmaker’s songbook consists of highly stylized violence, which quickly becomes each film’s focus and high point. He understands “cool” visuals and usually utilizes them to full effect, but Argylle feels like an inferior copy of Vaughn’s signature style. With most of the actual violence taking place off-screen, the audience is left watching Bryce Dallas Howard’s incongruently sincere reactions to impossible action set pieces instead of watching them for themselves.
And just when you don’t think it can get any worse, the finale is filled with the most ridiculous action ever conceived. There’s a colorful fight scene that is more befitting the Guardians of The Galaxy, followed by the single dumbest-looking battle ever committed to film.
Howard’s ungainly obesity helps none of it. Nothing against her weight struggles (Lord knows that I know what that is like), but the reality is that not everyone is right for every part, and unfortunately, a 35 – 40 lbs overweight Howard awkwardly running and fighting looks absurd. However, when Howard is placed in extreme conditions befitting an elite athlete, the juxtaposition is only made more jarring.
It’d be one thing if the movie ever acknowledged her weight and used it as a part of the narrative circa 2015’s Spy, starring Melissa McCarthy. After all, it actually makes sense for Howard’s character to be out of shape. Instead, the extra baggage is completely ignored, and Howard’s Elly easily performs a series of feats that would task peak-conditioned Olympians. The result is an unfortunate, sloppy-looking mess of silly visuals.
With boring action, misfiring comedy, and zero chemistry between its leads all wrapped up in a mundane plot that’s been done better dozens of times before, Argylle is a must-miss. Do yourself a favor and check out Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning – Part 1 on Paramount+ instead.
WOKE ELEMENTS
At This Point, Who Cares?
- 90% of the movie is woke-free, and the last ten minutes are so stupid and poorly executed that it barely matters that they feature the Ubermensch of girl bosses.
The Elephant In The Room
- Bryce Dallas Howard is a vocal proponent of the undeniably unhealthy body positivity movement. As such, it’s almost certainly the reason that her ungainly weight is ignored.
James Carrick
James Carrick is a passionate film enthusiast with a degree in theater and philosophy. James approaches dramatic criticism from a philosophic foundation grounded in aesthetics and ethics, offering insight and analysis that reveals layers of cinematic narrative with a touch of irreverence and a dash of snark.
23 comments
Bunny With A Keyboard
February 5, 2024 at 3:12 pm
Honestly, when used properly, having more mass can be a benefit in fighting. Look at sumo wrestling for an easy example. There’s a reason that you weigh in for boxing.
But no, Hollywood goes in all the wrong directions as usual.
Bunny With A Keyboard
February 5, 2024 at 5:09 pm
It says so much about the industry that they know what we want, market movies as if they were what we want, and throw bait and switch garbage at us.
All they have to do is give the kind of movie that they know we want and that the advertising promises, but they’d rather waste $200 million.
Luke
February 5, 2024 at 10:45 pm
Just so everyone knows, the government has gone all on funding movies that push their agenda. So Hollywood is lining up to take our tax dollars and feed us this garbage. Movies have to qualify with Biden’s DEI initiative to get these funds. The are destroying everything we like. They don’t care if we watch them or not because it’s our tax dollars they’re using.
gamingrnSTOPPPP
February 8, 2024 at 2:00 pm
Me (31M) and my husband hated it. Terrible slop for the woke agenda
Wazzafuzz
February 8, 2024 at 5:41 pm
I had a choice at the cinema between this and the holdovers.. Im glad i picked the holdovers, what a great under the radar film with paul giamatti , worth a based review, cant say id enjoy argyle after reading the the meeeh reviews especially here
G
February 9, 2024 at 3:45 am
A waste of time. Henry Cavill was wasted in this film, mainly being there to put asses in seats. He was all over the ads along with Dua Lipa, cause sex sells. But instead we got an elephant wearing a sparkly dress. Wouldn’t want to watch it again.
Sweet Deals
February 14, 2024 at 7:59 pm
I was having a conversation about movies the other day. Several of my colleagues tell me they like to watch a lot of movies that I’ve chosen to skip because I thought I wouldn’t enjoy them. I’m sure they’re very intelligent and creative people, but they actually like woke elements and I admit that I’m a rather sensitive viewer who can’t tolerate them. They tell me that being picky means I’m being closed-minded. After all, the people who enter creative professions and make art and films must be talented and dedicated to excellence. Aren’t they?
But it’s more than just the standard woke elements that make it hard for me to watch modern movies. It’s tough to explain, but there’s also an attitude issue that goes with it. I can’t tolerate the vanity that permeates each movie. I can’t enjoy stories where the cinematography is overproduced and overstimulates me, mostly to disorient me so I never notice that the plot is weak and nonsensical. I can’t enjoy it when all the main characters overdo their parts, use constant sarcasm and cheap pop culture references and think they’re being clever, think being obnoxious is “relatable”, and act like they’re all jockeying for Most Important Person In the Room points. The other half of the time, the actors can’t even pretend that they want to be in the movie they’re starring in. I wonder why.
I can watch old movies from the 2000s and earlier. The special effects aren’t overwhelming, the characters are likeable, and there’s a sense that the characters can do extraordinary things and still be ordinary people. There’s been a significant shift in tone where the storytelling seems less sincere and more like they’re trying too hard to show off or manipulate my emotions. The results often seem forced and fake. If the people who make these movies have proven they have the skill and talent to do something well, then why do they make poorly-made movies other than to take home a paycheck? Did they really think they put in an honest effort to make the best film they could make?
James Carrick
February 14, 2024 at 8:20 pm
G.K. Chesterton once wrote, “The object of opening the mind, as of opening the mouth, is to shut it again on something solid.” Only a fool doesn’t close his mind around good and nourishing concepts.
Sweet Deals
February 14, 2024 at 9:38 pm
I”m not really sure what you’re trying to say. Please explain yourself more clearly.
All I can say that that I’m sensitive to a lot of things, and I imagine most of the people who visit this website to read movie reviews and potential content warnings are likely more sensitive and discriminating of certain elements than most viewers are. I’ve noticed that I tend to dislike things for the exact same reasons that other people liked them, and I wonder if I’m actually the maniac who’s driving the wrong way in highway traffic.
Bunny With A Keyboard
February 20, 2024 at 2:30 pm
Believe me that it’s not just you. The woke try to make you think that you must be wrong if you’re the only one around who notices something, but they’ll simultaneously claim that the majority has to cleave to the minority on things like gender identity.
I think the idea of the GK Chesterton quote is that the wise want to have food for thought, something to think about in order to test their hypotheses and further grow. By contrast, so much of Hollywood offers only empty calories where you’re expected to turn your brain off to enjoy it.
Turning your brain off and letting yourself be saturated with propaganda is never a good idea.
RaisedVintage
February 27, 2024 at 11:30 am
Did I miss something? Please tell me, I really want to know. I didn’t see anything woke at all. I really enjoyed this film, for reasons listed below:
SPOILERS
I thought the plot twist was interesting and unique (apparently something similar happens in another Samuel L. Jackson film, A Long Kiss Goodnight)
The only reason that Elly is able to take Aidan down towards the end is because he is holding back and ultimately stops fighting her.
Their relationship reminded me of the one in Lost City with Sandra Bullock and Channing Tatum, because they helped each other and equally needed help.
Please tell me what I missed
Bunny With A Keyboard
February 27, 2024 at 11:52 am
“The hero wins because the villain quits fighting” is not exactly the sign of a good movie. Darth Vader was holding back against Luke in Empire, which is how Luke was able to escape at all. If a villain is holding back, it might mean that there’s some way to redeem them and beat them without fighting.
It reminds me of the fight in Shang Chi where the brother holds back but the sister has no qualms about kicking him in the balls. Who’s really the hero here?
RaisedVintage
February 28, 2024 at 4:55 pm
I see what you mean, but Aidan loved her and didn’t want to kill her. I’m just wondering how that part makes it woke. Am I still missing something, I’m really sorry. Check out my YouTube channel RaisedVintage for more on this film.
RaisedVintage
February 28, 2024 at 5:03 pm
I’m replying again, I’m sorry. I didn’t see Shang Chi, but I understand what you mean.
Bunny With A Keyboard
February 28, 2024 at 5:34 pm
I consider the term woke to mean “saturated with left wing propaganda,” but this website has a more in-depth description:
Woke [wōk]: adj.– 1. the quality of ultra/radical-progressivism, characterized by the active eschewing of objective truth as well as traditions and societal mores that have been tried and tested for generations in lieu of nonsensical beliefs that defy logic and substantive supportive objective data. Ex: Roads are racist. There are no such things as immutable characteristics.
Now, one of the easiest ways to explain what goes into a story would be to read Save the Cat. That goes into screenplays; there are other versions for novels and many other such things.
When a hero fights a villain, it shouldn’t just be that one side is stronger. There should be an overarching theme to the story. If you’ve ever seen the Shazam movie from a few years ago, the theme is the importance of family. Male or female, in a good story, the character learns something that makes them better.
In a bad story, the heroine learns how awesome she is or something like that, and that’s it. This is because the woke propaganda is that women are all born perfect and held down by the patriarchy, which makes for an awful story.
You can do a character that’s born perfect and never changes, but such characters tend to come across as flat and boring to adults. That’s why characters like Superman get rewritten to go through this transformation.
Now, if they wrote it that the only reason she won is because the villain was holding back, compare that to a few other stories. Imagine if the only reason Batman won was because the Joker was holding back. Imagine if the only reason Superman won was because Lex Luthor was holding back. Insert various other male heroes and villains.
Suddenly the stakes aren’t quite so high. It doesn’t really matter if the hero wins because the villain doesn’t want to kill them.
The only real way to make this work would be how OT Star Wars did it in 5 and 6. However, when Rey fought Kylo, he went down even though she’d never held a lightsaber before and he had severe Force training.
Imagine how dumb the story would feel if Luke faced off against Vader in Episode 4 and managed to beat him in any capacity with a lightsaber. Vader would just look sad and pathetic, a forgettable villain for a hero that doesn’t deserve any real adversity to overcome.
Make sense?
S
March 14, 2024 at 4:42 am
The example with Luke&Vader is perfect.
No idea what save the cat is though.
Bunny With A Keyboard
March 14, 2024 at 11:36 am
“ Save the Cat! The Last Book on Screenwriting You’ll Ever Need” by Blake Snyder. This book goes over how to write screenplays for movies, but there are other Save the Cat books out there for novels, TV shows, and so on.
Whether you call it the hero’s journey, the transformation machine, or whatever else, the book series explains the process really well.
Contrast with how a feminist wrote “The Heroine’s Journey” back in the 70s which talks about changes the heroine should make in the Masciline and the Feminine.
Aaron Barlow
March 26, 2024 at 7:55 pm
Then of course theree’s the fact that Howard easily defeats Rockwell in hand to hand despite her being a woman. Sigh, the standard girl beats men trope, although at least she’s not 150lb like many of the unstoppable girl bosses. Still fat weight can be a hindrance rather than an advantage.
Bunny With A Keyboard
March 26, 2024 at 8:23 pm
The claim: “These movies are empowering to women.”
The reality: “Look at how effortlessly other women handle men twice their size. Why is it that you’re so pathetic that a mugger in the park can knock you around with ease? Why can’t you just overcome with zero training or character development like all of these women?”
Aaron Barlow
March 26, 2024 at 10:00 pm
Exactly, it can be quite dangerous to convince women that with some martial arts training they can take on much bigger, stronger guys. There’s a reason they have weight and gender categories in MMA or boxing.
Combine that with the ‘he won’t fight back because I’m a woman’ attitude and you end up with aggressive, entitled drunken behaviour from girls that can have dire consequences like being knocked out or killed.
Bunny With A Keyboard
March 26, 2024 at 10:39 pm
I was just talking about how damaging it can be to the self-esteem, but your points are also valid.
Not to mention that boys raised with all this may well think “Why shouldn’t I hit her? I’ve seen many women who can beat men twice their size. It’d be misogyny to act like she’s weak and helpless.”
Or not being willing to help a woman in distress because they’re so conditioned with movies and TV shows that attack a man who does that. What I heard about the first episode of Wednesday was especially egregious, where a man saves Wednesday from having something huge fall on her head and she berates him for it.
Aaron Barlow
March 26, 2024 at 11:24 pm
Yeah, the ‘woman doesn’t need a man’ trope is getting tiresome. It’s like those Youtube interviews where girls are asked “do we need men?” and all answer “no” failing to realise that men build and maintain civilisation and it’s infrastructure, not to mention fighting in wars and making babies.
The Neo Marxist brainwashing is real.
Sweet Deals
March 27, 2024 at 5:30 pm
Maybe instead of blaming movies for depicting women unrealistically being able to beat bigger men effortlessly, we should put the idea in its place.
We should point, laugh, and say to ourselves that we know this cartoonish nonsense is impossible, but it makes excellent wish fulfillment. We know it can’t happen, but it’s funny to see it. (At least, that’s how I felt after rewatching Spy Kids for the first time in twenty years. That movie is very, very cartoonish, and doesn’t pretend that it isn’t).