Barbie

Greta Gerwig spent $145m to deconstruct a beloved children's toy in a 2-hour screed in hopes of making you as miserable as her.
38/10011816151
Staring
Margot Robbie, Will Ferrell, Ryan Gosling
Director
Greta Gerwig
Rating
PG-13
Genre
Adventure, Comedy, Fantasy
December 16, 2023
July 21, 2023
Overall Score
Rating Overview
Plot/Story
Visual/Cinematography
Performance
Direction
Non-Wokeness
Rating Summary
Barbie is what you get when you give the reins of a movie about a brightly colored and upbeat doll that has brought joy to little girls worldwide for almost 70 years to a clinically depressed professional victim with a Mattel HQ-sized chip on her shoulder. The only thing audiences should feel at the end of this movie is pity for Greta Gerwig's husband.
Audience Woke Score (Vote)
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There’s a husband and wife team who wrote a couples’ book called Men Are Like Waffles – Women Are Like Spaghetti. It compares the female thought process to a plate of spaghetti, with their thoughts overlapping and twisting around one another, all touching each other simultaneously in a cognitive jumble. Barbie feels like a plate of plastic toy thought-spaghetti. It has the form of spaghetti, but its numerous underdeveloped and intertwined plots are inedible and served up with extra hate sauce.

Barbie

The basic premise of Barbie is that two worlds exist, the real world and the Barbie world. We quickly discover that the play of those in the real world affects the reality of the Barbie world. When Barbie finds herself having an existential crisis (a term for which you should wear a helmet when watching the movie for you will be repeatedly bludgeoned with it), she has to go to the real world to find out why the person playing with her is so sad that it’s fundamentally changing Barbie’s very existence, or forever be wretched and miserable herself. Fun, right?

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1 Vacation
2 Shop
3 Amazon

In what is the film’s only redeeming quality, the attention to detail by the costume and set designers for everything in Barbie Land cannot be overstated. Unlike writer/director Greta Gerwig’s obvious hate/hate relationship with the property, the designers clearly adore it, and Barbie Land is a pink plastic love letter in which audiences can blessedly get lost between the film’s many embittered and depressing soapbox soliloquies and Chevrolet commercials.

It’s not fair to say that Barbie has no plot. Instead, it has four or five incomplete ideas masquerading as subplots that jarringly compete for dominance at any given time, never giving the audience a chance or reason to connect with any of them. This also manages to make what should have been a crisply-paced two-hour film feel like it’s still playing.

Of course, the film isn’t helped by its complete lack of anything resembling a likable character. Barbie starts out chipper and friendly but is also self-obsessed as well as entirely oblivious to and dismissive of the emotional needs of her boyfriend. Although, this doesn’t matter much as the writer/director wastes little time before sucking the happy-go-lucky character down into her own personal vortex of misery. Meanwhile, Ken’s character arc goes from dimwitted co-dependent stalker to cotton-headed dictator to weepy basket case.

Similarly, there are no supporting characters for whom to root. In the one role in which going full Kate McKinnon might have actually worked, you can practically hear Gerwig telling her to dial it back off-camera, leaving us with a “Weird Barbie” that’s not that weird. Seriously, it’s no small coincidence that her introductory scene begins with a toy dog taking a toy $h!t on her character’s toy floor.

Continuing the charisma freefall, the vocation specific (i.e., President, Physicist, etc.) Barbies run the gambit from snarky and sassy to being as empty as the plastic dolls for whom they are named. At the same time, the real-world secondary protagonists consist of a nihilistic tween girl whose mom should have beat the b!t@h out of on more than one occasion, to a mother who lets her horrible child be repeatedly horrible without so much as a reprimand.

Ultimately, Barbie is a meanspirited and meandering film that could give meandering plots lessons on meandering. With unlikable characters and an agenda (see below) costumed in sheer and poorly made Chinese knock-off Barbie clothes, Barbie is a study in how to take a dump on fun, light it on fire, and trick fans into stepping on it.

WOKE ELEMENTS

Take every bull$h!t professional victim vagina-hat-wearing talking point ever screeched out of the face of a dumpy blue-haired lesbian at a women’s march, and it’s in this movie. I couldn’t write fast enough to catch even a tenth of them and quickly realized that I was more or less writing the script down in my notes word for word. Here are a few:

  • The word “patriarchy” is unironically and awkwardly shoehorned in no fewer than 11 times (I counted).
  • Playing mommy with baby dolls is “ok,” but if we’re being honest, it’s actually oppressive, “just ask your mom.”
  • Even though the film’s prologue touts Barbie as a breaker of baby doll chains, the film writ large is a two-hour deconstruction of Barbie, tearing it to pieces throughout while also spending no fewer than two minutes on a monologue detailing how Barbie is emblematic of everything wrong with the world, especially the patriarchy.
    • Unrealistic self-image
    • Consumerism
    • Capitalism
    • Blah
    • Blah
    • Blah
  • Men have all the power, and women have none (mind you, the movie was written and directed by a well-known multi millionairess and stars a well-known multi millionairess). This sentiment is repeated nearly as often as the word “patriarchy.”
  • Men are pigs who objectify women
  • “Women hate women, and men hate women.”
  • There’s a ton of whining, including a 3-minute speech that might as well break the fourth wall, about how “impossibly hard” it is to be a woman because they are “forced” to be all things to all people while not being too much of those things for others. I can’t over-emphasize the filmmakers’ narcissism.

MORE WOKE ELEMENTS

  • The Barbies are utterly dismissive of the Kens and their feelings, to the point of emotional abuse, until the Kens begin to realize that they have agency. Once the men realize their strength and desires, the Barbies are immediately robbed of their will and become Stepford wives. However, in the most oblivious and unintentionally comedic instances of lacking any self-awareness, the filmmakers have the Barbies reassert themselves by embracing the most insultingly stereotypical female behavior. They resort to being passive-aggressively manipulative and using their sexuality to trick the men into giving them their power back.
  • All of the men are borderline mentally handicapped, narcissistic, “toxic,” aggressive, and/or cartoonishly pig-like (seriously, you can tell that the person who wrote the construction worker cat-call scene has never once been cat-called. She must have taken notes from She-Hulk).
  • In one of the many scenes in which the “patriarchy” is choked down your throat, Ken is talking to an executive who says that the patriarchy isn’t really working so well anymore, but really it is; they are just better at hiding it.
  • At one point, the real human protagonist says something along the lines that patriarchy is to women like smallpox was to indigenous people, “they had no defense against it.”
  • Every real-world scene that isn’t the all-white quasi-evil Mattel executives looks like a Kashi commercial with perfectly strategically placed diversity.
THE WOKE BARBIES THEMSELVES
  • ***SPOILER*** Traditional (a.k.a. Stereotypical Barbie) ultimately has no place in Barbie Land by the film’s end and is only fully realized when she puts on a pair of Birkenstocks and an unflattering Hillary Clinton pantsuit to go to the gynecologist. ***END SPOILER***
  • You’ve got your morbidly-obese-and-wouldn’t-be-pretty-even-if-she-lost-the-weight-Barbie
  • There’s Horse Face Barbie
  • And, of course, there’s Distractingly Obviously a Tranny Dude Barbie

Seriously ladies, if your sense of self is so fragile that a child’s plaything can ruin your self-esteem, you’re the problem.

 

 

 

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James Carrick

James Carrick is a passionate film enthusiast with a degree in theater and philosophy. James approaches dramatic criticism from a philosophic foundation grounded in aesthetics and ethics, offering insight and analysis that reveals layers of cinematic narrative with a touch of irreverence and a dash of snark.

118 comments

  • ChoketheWoke

    July 2, 2023 at 12:59 pm

    Shouldn’t Barbie have breasts? Robbie has an attractive face, but she’s as flat as a table. Looking like the character should be a more important metric in a case such as this.

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    • Yossarian Dunbar

      July 21, 2023 at 9:25 am

      Um…I don’t know if this comment is a helpful addition to the discussion.

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      • Jeff

        July 21, 2023 at 12:47 pm

        Why isnt it? Barbie is the definition of a perfect woman. Your comment doesnt help at all, literally.

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      • scbl

        June 16, 2024 at 6:59 pm

        i don’t think anything on this entire site is a helpful addition to any discussion

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    • Bruce Leroy

      July 21, 2023 at 6:54 pm

      Margot Robbie is definitely not “as flat as a table”. She’s had a few topless scenes in other films, so this is very easy to fact-check. Google image search her topless scene from the movie Dreamland. Does she have huge breasts? No. Is she as flat as a table? Also no.

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    • Kingston

      July 21, 2023 at 7:52 pm

      Holy gaslighting, lol! Are you one of those weirdos of questionable sexuality who thinks that Margot Robbie is “mid”? Everyone has seen her bare breasts. She’s not flat as a table.

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      • Maddox121

        July 24, 2023 at 11:28 am

        Well, of course…

        We all know Mattel’s Barbie Doll boobs are flat…

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        • Kendoll

          July 27, 2023 at 3:06 am

          Oh my god, they mentioned the word patriarchy 11 times during a 2h movie? Thats basically every second word! How dare they! When will this woke madness end?

          Also, I am missing a real alpha man in the movie. Like, someone who tell those barbies what they are doing wrong in attracting a high value man like themselves.

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          • Richard

            August 28, 2023 at 6:19 am

            Yeah but dude, how many times do you hear that word in everyday conversation? I only ever generally hear it from feminists when they go on those daytime shows where they talk about topics of the day. 11 times in a movie is pretty much bludgeoning you over the head with ‘THE MESSAGE’, as the Critical Drinker would say. It’s obvious the film has an agenda, or at least the director does.

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    • CharlieDave

      July 22, 2023 at 5:33 pm

      Ew.

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  • Jd Blaze

    July 5, 2023 at 7:34 am

    Your site needs a preliminary rating designation. I’m a writer by trade and yes, this is original and I just wrote it.

    Anyone under the sun with internet access can already rate this movie W-Woke T-Trash F- Failed, based only on the synopsis, or just by the contributors and producers involved, or simply based on the delusional man that they have playing a main role female barbie™ character.

    The bright neon colors and average 6-10 seconds on the color scheme changes mean this movie is literally manufactured for the intellectually-impaired. If you aren’t already there, the lack of attentiveness is manufactured by subjecting developing youth to this. Yes, prolonged exposure to tiny color scheme changes causes developmental disabilities, look it up. So the movie is designed for the post-millennials generation who have no attention span and grew up after Dora the Explorer and with YouTube as a babysitter… Is that bad? Not by itself.

    *The plot is basically white men & police are the source of all the evil in the real world*.. Inversely, WOMEN (of any gender🧐) who can be manufactured, they don’t need to reproduce, they/them aren’t always born with what it takes to reproduce but they/them are born at a disadvantage, but if they/them fight the system (which is held together exclusively by men, especially white men), they/them can get ahead.

    🤢🤮 BLAUH. Save your children’s sanity and view of objective Reality and Pass on this filth. If they’re old enough, go see Jim Caviezel’s New sleeper hit against Hollywood sex trafficking called

    Notice this “moral” here is literally a fully inverted version of the Biblical origin story of human consciousness and human relationships/interactions. This is a ideologically woke mantra form of schizophrenia that psychiatry/psychology literally call “Delusions of Persecution.”

    I’m not kidding, these types of films are designed to help reduce the nature of identity, belonging, security, Trust in humanity, Reality; and increase inattentiveness, instability, and delusional worldviews.

    “Delusions come in several types. The most common is delusions of persecution. It’s when you’re convinced that someone is mistreating, conspiring against, or planning to harm you or your loved one. Another type is grandiose delusions, where you have an unrealistically inflated sense of yourself or your achievements.”
    -From WebMD

    Disclaimer : The use of any trademarks or copyrights on this page are being fairly used in good faith in the effort to advance the public awareness and understanding of anti-democratic, corporate indoctrination against Humanity. I believe that this constitutes a “fair use” of the trademarks and copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law.

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      • Antidote

        October 16, 2023 at 9:21 am

        A guy was sued for 5 years because he didn’t want to bake a cupcake. And the state he lived in tried to sue him hundreds of thousands until the supreme court finally got rid of the ludicrous case.

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        • Critical Thinker

          October 16, 2023 at 6:55 pm

          And? He entered the bakery market of his own volition. If he didn’t want to bake cupcakes for people he disagreed with, he shouldn’t have started a business. However, I agree that suing him for thousands of dollars isn’t fair either. Ruining his business and potentially his life over it is not the right course of action. But him baking cupcakes for what I assume would have been a gay wedding in no way shows that he supports them. It’s just business.

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          • MattS

            March 12, 2024 at 12:21 pm

            He was willing to bake and sell them a cake, just not a custom one…
            I think all you need to look at is the media for the last decade or 3… How many genuine Christians do you see? How many are presented positively (or even realistically?) The music industry is also full of ‘Christians’ who produce disgusting and vile messages that are opposed to Christian beliefs. As such, when the (almost) entirety of media is directly opposed to your beliefs, and is constantly spitting hate against you, how long before public opinion starts to change against you? Just think how many Christians in tv or film are decent? How many are judgemental and hate-filled? Also, if about 40% of the population is Christian, what’s the percentage of genuine Christians on our screens and in our music?
            All of this isn’t to argue that all Christians are being persecuted and attacked, but it’s fine line these days… especially since Biden started to work the FBI into Catholic Churches, trying to find extremists and get Clergy to dob each other in… Certainly makes you wonder…

          • TommisTrash

            April 8, 2024 at 4:09 am

            oh my god critical thinker you’re actually so cool and i love you can we kiss my discord is @tommistrash hmu :3

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  • Ryan

    July 21, 2023 at 9:48 am

    Give the *reins* (of a horse), not give the “reigns”.

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  • Derek

    July 21, 2023 at 9:58 am

    I truly hope this movie bombs. Since us disgusting men are the bread winners despite their complete disrespect, I hope men everywhere refuse to pay for this tripe.

    That’s all it takes. Women don’t go to the movies alone, and women HATE having to pay for anything out of their own pocket. As long as men say, “No!” This movie will 100% fail like the dumpster fire it is. I just feel sorry for the parents that didn’t research this movie and take their kids to it just due to the well known character. They have no idea what they’re walking into.

    Thank you for these reviews, I share them with everyone I know.

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    • Reuben

      July 25, 2023 at 8:45 pm

      If you agree with this site in its views as woke, then I would not take you as a person who discriminates against women in order to dis a movie. And also, this movie actually did quite well. In reference to parents taking their kids to see this without forewarning of its content, this movie wasn’t meant for parents to take their kids too. As it is rated PG-13, it is most likely directed at those of age 13 and above, which I believe most would not consider to be ‘kids’.

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      • EndTheWoke

        April 24, 2024 at 5:31 am

        You don’t think a 13 year old is a kid? You know who else doesn’t think a 13 year old is a kid? Pedophiles and Hebephiliacs. That’s the sick line of thinking that we don’t our kids, mind you the law says you’re a juvenile until you turn 18, being around or introduced to.

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    • iamwoke

      July 30, 2023 at 1:48 pm

      except… it didn’t fail it’s literally doing better than oppenheimer rn its the biggest domestic opening for a non superhero movie in the us 😭

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      • James Carrick

        July 30, 2023 at 3:30 pm

        It just goes to show how undemanding many Millenial and Gen-Z gals are. Apparently, they’ve no need for cohesive story-telling, quality dialogue, or consistent characters. Give’em a bunch of crying and whining, male-shaped dunderheaded eunichs set up as easy straw-men advisaries, a false sense of victimhood and power, and they’re ready to drool into their $20 popcorn.

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        • 100%Woke

          August 9, 2023 at 10:52 am

          Men and women of all ages are going to see this movie. Your picking on this particular demographic is coming across as bizarre.

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          • James Carrick

            August 9, 2023 at 11:22 am

            66.2% of the audience is female and 74.6% is 29 and younger, meaning Barbie’s success can primarily be attributed to their viewership, regardless of the fact that others are also seeing it.

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      • EndTheWoke

        April 24, 2024 at 5:39 am

        Yep, and how many awards did Barbie win? Oh, what’s that? 0? Yeah, 0. How many did Oppenheimer win? WHAT?!? 7! 7 AWARDS! WOW. Yeah, I think that says plenty about which is the better movie.

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    • Dani

      August 24, 2023 at 4:36 am

      I love your comment about women don’t go to the movies alone and HATE having to pay for anything out of our own pockets. That is a very misogynistic comment and I’m not surprised. A lot of women do those things alone because in today’s world we can’t count on men to be supportive or semi-decent care takers. Many women support themselves with no help from any man because it’s easier than dealing with someone like yourself (I will just assume you are one of *those* men based off of your comment). I did take my daughter to see this movie because it shows women supporting women. Men were not bashed in this film. I would say this filmed highlighted the importance of finding your true self and what makes you happy not finding depending on someone to make you happy (both women and men…especially for Ken).
      I really feel bad for you. Who hurt you…was her name Mom?
      Baie dankie.

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      • Antidote

        October 16, 2023 at 9:23 am

        “Who hurt you”

        Why does the 41% crowd always make this projection?

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    • MalC

      July 19, 2024 at 9:06 am

      Critique a movie with a message about “the patriarchy” by telling men to say ‘no’ to letting women see it because “men are the bread winners.”

      Excellent.

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  • Unwoke

    July 21, 2023 at 10:05 am

    James, just a couple of comments on your fine review. The phrase is “to give reins to someone”, not “to give reigns to someone”. Also, “phisyisist” is spelled “physicist”.

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  • Unwoke

    July 21, 2023 at 10:08 am

    The phrase is “to give reins to someone”, not “to give reigns to someone”. “Phisyisist” is spelled physicist.

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      • Openendedd100

        July 21, 2023 at 9:28 pm

        How dare you… you know this is a comment review site! The grammar police are always ready to arrest.

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      • goqul

        July 22, 2023 at 3:10 pm

        I am really glad this site exists. I have stopped watching movies. This site will now help me figure out which movies I should watch. Thanks for creating this site, James. I also really hope this movie bombs so hard.

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        • Jenn

          August 1, 2023 at 12:56 am

          This movie has one of the greatest opening days in movie history and made all of it’s 100 million dollar budget back in one night, also I thought oppenheimer was a masterpiece but it beat oppenheimer in the box office.

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        • Fred Simmons

          August 6, 2023 at 9:20 am

          This is so embarrassing😂

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      • Fred Simmons

        August 6, 2023 at 9:19 am

        Yeah, it’s pretty obvious you wrote it at 3am while drunk and crying like a little baby.

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        • Chewchew

          October 16, 2023 at 9:25 am

          I guarantee this troid cried at Sound of Freedom ^

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          • Selrisitai

            October 16, 2023 at 11:50 am

            It’s always so convenient when progressive idiots self-report themselves by defending movies created through child abuse (Cuties) and insulting movies about rescuing children from sex slavery.

            Perhaps you should find a different approach that doesn’t involve putting yourself in the same category as child-rapists.

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    • Tancred

      July 23, 2023 at 1:52 am

      Movie for feminist whores only. And Ryan gosling is overrated actor ever, he is worst than soap operas Actors.

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  • Scott

    July 21, 2023 at 10:17 am

    Oh I just cant wait to see what she does to Narnia!🤮

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    • Cari L.

      July 21, 2023 at 3:31 pm

      Get ready for the White Witch to be the good guy and the Pevensies to be all black kids. Oh, and hte White Witch ain’t white, she’s black.
      Lucy and Susan will be girlbossed out of existence

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      • MC

        August 2, 2023 at 2:52 am

        No no on the white witch being black. Black people can’t be the evil do’ers. That privilege is only bestowed on the white people or it won’t go with their neo-marxist translation of the real world, where whites are evil suppressors of people troughout the ages.

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        • EndTheWoke

          April 24, 2024 at 5:44 am

          This is true lol

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    • JF

      July 23, 2023 at 11:12 pm

      The CS Lewis estate should sue to put a stop to this. Putting THAT man’s works in the hands of a hateful radical feminist wench? No chance that she has any more respect for Lewis (white Christian man!) and his works than she does Barbie, but of course, that is exactly why she was chosen. Because as we’ve seen from Hollywood in the last several years, any old franchise title that was joyously beloved HAS to be demonically ‘subverted’ as a practice of ‘correcting’ the past and infusing the brains of young with marxist-indoctrinated misery. And well, someone noticed that Narnia was available. So prepare to see something along the same wonderful lines as ‘Rings of Power’ if not worse. Hollywood is pure poison.

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      • M. Bean

        August 28, 2023 at 6:43 pm

        hollywood needs to burn down to the last crisp. Same goes for disney, netflix, mcu, dceu,…. All my favorite franchises are dead or dying and i almost completely stopped watching movies and series…

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  • Pauly Kaye

    July 21, 2023 at 10:29 am

    The only thing that isn’t happening in the movie is an appearance from Dylan Mulvaney!

    P.S. ease up on the robot check!

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  • Buzz

    July 21, 2023 at 11:10 am

    Thanks for the review, James (I’ve written at 3.00 in the morning, as well!) – can’t wait to miss it.

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  • Hadassah

    July 21, 2023 at 11:49 am

    It’s so disappointing, really.😥💔 I loved the old Barbie movies as a young girl. She was my hero, and I loved everything about her. Her beauty, her compassion, her loving heart and her sass. She was able to go on adventures, wear amazing dresses and have magic and always have a happily ever after. She gave me hope and made me happy as young child and lonely teen. They have sacrificed her and Ken to the woke mob and ruined her. This isn’t the Barbie I know and love. Barbie and especially Ken deserved so much more. 😥

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    • StandUpORSitDown

      July 23, 2023 at 9:08 pm

      You just answered the question “what is woke trying to achieve?”

      The “woke” want stop the “…gave me hope and made me happy as young child and lonely teen.”

      The woke want you as miserable as possible, making you pliable to their sick agenda.

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      • JF

        July 23, 2023 at 10:49 pm

        Absolutely. They want to stop true happiness its tracks wherever they find it. They despise humanity and everything that is decent.

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        • yomamasowoke

          August 4, 2023 at 1:59 pm

          oh the irony in what you just said…

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    • Sweet Deals

      December 22, 2023 at 5:42 pm

      I skipped the live-action Barbie movie, but as someone who did watch several direct-to-DVD Barbie films back in the day, I really have to agree with this sentiment.

      The direct-to-DVD Barbie films might not be cinematic masterpieces. They’re children’s fantasies intended to sell toys. But even though I’m an adult with a child’s heart, I like them anyway because they make me smile. In these films, Barbie always represents the best parts of feminine strength. She is always kind and compassionate to everyone, including children, animals, and her own rivals. She can be cheerful and energetic, but never is obnoxious or showy about it. She demonstrates courage by standing steadfast through challenges and not merely through senseless violence. She always encourages others by encouraging them to use their creativity. She’s good at what she does, but not impossibly and effortlessly so. She’s usually the first to admit her own mistakes. The males in Barbie films may occasionally be villains or allies who seem awkward at times, but they usually make themselves look silly because Barbie is far too kind and confident to ever gain status by punching others down. Barbie always makes a point of building others up because she genuinely cares for others.

      In an age where popular culture has largely forgotten and abandoned what it means to be a woman, I would actually recommend watching a few Barbie animated films. I know they have a reputation for being goofy and toy-oriented, and I admit that they are, but they also do an excellent job presenting femininity in a virtuous way. Barbie animated features only have two objectives; selling toys and making children smile. They’re always about colorful child-oriented fantasies like fairies, mermaids, princesses, ballet dancing and fashion design, and never, ever woke or politically motivated. Barbie may be more idealized than reality, but it’s all just wish-fulfillment play and only intended in fun. Because, frankly, Barbie is a toy for children to play with, and she usually sets a positive example by making kids feel good about themselves and inspiring them to bring out the best in themselves. That’s what Barbie dolls are meant to represent.

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  • Trevor

    July 21, 2023 at 12:41 pm

    When men get a fair shake in divorce court and aren’t turned into indentured slaves by their ex wives because they embraced traditional marriage and wanted to start a family, talk to me about patriarchy.

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    • John

      August 5, 2023 at 4:23 pm

      That is a consequence of the patriarchy. It negatively effects both men and women

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      • Selrisitai

        October 16, 2023 at 11:56 am

        No, patriarchy is the natural order. If you want a feminist-style agenda led by both men and women, well, look around. Men and women both confused about how to act in a relationship, how to approach the opposite sex, how they’re supposed to feel about things and what they’re supposed to like or to wear.

        If people are left to their own devices without direction or a moral foundation, we devolve into our basic instincts and that becomes pernicious; however, progressives (E.G., women, and the men following them) have found something even worse than utter chaos: Unnaturally compel people to actively disregard their own biological instincts. Now we have an epidemic of loneliness. We have women whose default attitude is “cunt,” and men who are so confused they don’t know if they’re even men or women.

        Women’s emotional, moralistic perspective is destructive if not tempered by the more rigid masculine perspective. Men are leaders. Women are not. If you think the ONLY strong, powerful, meaningful or “good” roles are masculine roles, then you are the misogynist.

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  • Ryan

    July 21, 2023 at 5:05 pm

    Wow I knew this was going to be bad from the leaks but this is absolutely shocking me just how they turned the woke dial to 10. The thing that sucks is the basic premise could have been funny for everyone.

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    • STOPWOKE

      July 21, 2023 at 7:53 pm

      Did you watch it?

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  • Wendi Arbus

    July 21, 2023 at 7:21 pm

    You know Greta Gerwig wrote this with Noah Baumbach and that they’ve been a couple for more than a decade, right?

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    • Jeffrey

      July 31, 2023 at 12:22 am

      Stole him from Jennifer Jason Leigh while they were making Greenberg together. Home wrecker.

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  • Patrick S.

    July 21, 2023 at 7:33 pm

    Great review as usual! I will obviously not see it, but I wonder who this movie is for. It seems like the only people who would appreciate it are young, woke women who actually hate Barbie (and men). So it doesn’t seem to be a movie for kids or true Barbie lovers, which seems strange considering that it’s such a big-budget movie. But maybe the studio just hopes to get all the kids and true Barbie lovers to see it so they can fill them with woke propaganda? If so, that can’t be a good business decision.

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    • Fred Simmons

      August 6, 2023 at 9:22 am

      Looks like the movie is for everybody that isn’t afraid of everything like you triggered babies.

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  • Monz

    July 22, 2023 at 2:30 am

    FINALLY an honest review! One of THE worst films I’ve seen. I feel so sorry for all the little kids going to watch, expecting a fun story! They sure tricked all of us en mass! What a brilliant global ploy to push their agenda! Everyone went in excited, dressed-up, happy…… everyone walked out depressed , quiet and confused 🤬

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    • EndTheWoke

      April 24, 2024 at 5:52 am

      Yeah, it’s weird the rotten tomato ratings dont really add up to or match the movies box office take. Oppenheimer made less but has way higher ratings? Strange. Sounds like a lot of people got tricked into watching Barbie.

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  • Gail Finke

    July 22, 2023 at 10:46 am

    I don’t understand why this movie was even made. Surely every bit of it was approved by Mattel. Why would Mattel want a big-budget movie saying that Barbie is a tool of the oppressive patriarchy, and that being a woman stinks? It’s not going to sell product. It’s not going to appeal to people who love the product. It’s not for kids and families. It’s for… who? What does its existence have to do with the toy? It makes no sense. The Transformer movies make sense. They are action movies made from an action toy, meant to appeal to people who played with and loved the toy and their kids, and to people who didn’t but who love action movies with giant robots and their ilk. Who is this supposed to appeal to? Even assuming it’s a piece of propaganda, isn’t propaganda supposed to work because you LIKE the propaganda? Soviet propaganda was strong, heroic, and inspirational. Maoist propaganda showed a utopia of happy Chinese families living in plenty. This shows… miserable women and stupid men?

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    • Fred Simmons

      August 6, 2023 at 9:23 am

      I think it was made so they could rack in almost a billion dollars.

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  • Yooouslaaaaaaaaaaag

    July 22, 2023 at 2:35 pm

    Great review brother

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  • Wahhhh

    July 22, 2023 at 3:46 pm

    Trump lost cry babies

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    • rentfreeinyourhead

      July 23, 2023 at 10:43 pm

      Even if he did, he clearly still rules over your deranged, pathetic mind. He’s all you idiots can ever think about, and you’re all as terrified of him as ever. But of course, only in the mind of someone with a IQ lower than an actual Barbie doll would believe the decrepit, demented, diaper-wearing child molester who was installed into the white house actually got the most votes of any presidential candidate in history.

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    • Maddox121

      July 24, 2023 at 11:30 am

      Says the person who’s username is onomatopoeia for crying.

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      • Fred Simmons

        August 6, 2023 at 9:24 am

        You know the onomatopoeia is making fun of crybabies like you, right?

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  • Jinny Ellis

    July 22, 2023 at 4:14 pm

    I thought it was going to be funny but I think I only laughed at 3 things and I liked the Holy Grail reference when the Ken’s were riding horses. I quite liked the idea at the end that it was about what we want as an individual but it wasn’t clear enough. The plot was weak and (as a female) I hated that Barbie land didn’t respect or consider men. In an ideal world we should all respect and consider each other. I enjoyed your review.

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  • Jas

    July 22, 2023 at 5:24 pm

    James, you need to review Reba McIntire’s ” Hammer” show. It makes Barbie look like a love song for men

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  • 100%Woke

    July 22, 2023 at 9:43 pm

    You do realize Greta Gerwig’s husband wrote the movie with her, right? Why would you feel sorry for him?

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    • Chris

      July 28, 2023 at 12:59 pm

      Guarantee you he had a gun to his head as he was writing this.

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  • Josh

    July 23, 2023 at 12:04 am

    James, I know this site is probably a passion project of yours, but have you ever considered a Patreon or something? I’m really looking forward (hopefully) to your review of Oppenheimer and it got me thinking that I’d love to support your cause of keeping woke out of our lives and our money out of woke Hollywood’s pockets!

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    • James Carrick

      July 23, 2023 at 12:51 am

      Hi Josh. I haven’t specifically considered Patreon. In general, I hate the idea of being beholden to the restrictions of companies like them (they canceled Nick Di Paolo).

      However, I’m happy to take your money… er accept your support.

      We accept donations, including monthly ones, you can buy something from our merch shop, or click on one of the Vid—Angel banners on the site to subscribe to their service.

      Oppenheimer is coming. I’ve got a super busy weekend and I don’t want to rush it. So, it should be up by Monday at the latest.

      Thanks again for your emotional and algorithmic support.

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  • Judith Price

    July 23, 2023 at 11:13 am

    I was duped. My whole Barbie loving family was tricked. This could have been so much better. Writer is no Barbie fan . She never was. Here is my idea of what it should have been. Reconstruct a variety of Barbie houses, even the cardboard one. Barbie representing that era lives in appropriate house. Not all Barbie dolls are named Barbie. What about Stacy, Midge, Daphne, all the characters from the hilarious Life In The Dreamhouse episodes. Any one of those stories are better than the unimaginative drivel we watched. What about the Ken doll who grows a beard and shaves? That would be funny to see as soon as the water dries on his face he’s forced to shave again. They did not have to go to the real world. Barbie is the real world. She is enough. The movie should have ended staying a Barbie because Barbie is enough. Every girl from age two to seventy knows that. Having that beautiful doll in hand, dressing her , having fashion shows, beauty pageants etc was my idea of perfect play. I have a room full of Barbies to this day. I am 68. My granddaughters love Barbie. We don’t worry about collecting, we rip them out of their packages and play! Imagining goes wild. Why no affection between Barbie and Ken in that horrible movie? That was wrong. Why not have teenagers admitting to enjoying Barbie when they were young? Barbie a fascist? What does that even mean? I’m sure there will be more Barbie movies in the future. I hope written by real people with respect for the brand. Greta took the easy way out, chanting tired themes. The best parts of that movie were the two minute previews; that tricked me into believing the movie would be funny and clever. It was somber and dim witted; I never saw Barbie cry that much! And why did Mattel’s president recreate his Elf role? Just an abomination of a movie. Thanks for putting the truth out there

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    • Stacy

      July 24, 2023 at 2:31 pm

      I haven’t seen the movie but great idea with the shaving Ken! Also there was the iconic Ken tweed jacket outfit and Ken was dark haired. At one time there were black versions of every iteration of Barbie including Beauty Secrets, the cowgirl who winked, Golden Dream, Pink and Pretty. I would have loved to see those versions come to life.

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  • James Carrick The Maverick

    July 24, 2023 at 3:03 am

    I wonder what will happen if all men stopped their gender roles too. And they stopped giving women much attention (or any attention) and treat them the same way they are treated. Stop consider feelings and only rationality. I bet it would turn the world around fast!

    I get that patriarchy is bad, i know how scary the world will look once you have a daughter, but portraying men as evil while men take the short straw on depression and spousal emotional abuse is wrong.

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    • Bill Morgan

      July 30, 2023 at 4:48 pm

      There is no patriarchy, just some boogeyman in the minds of confused leftists.

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  • Canadian

    July 24, 2023 at 11:07 am

    Appreciate your reviews and this website generally. I hope eventually you will be big enough to start to rival rotten tomatoes though you may have change the name eventually.

    I was curious about the PCness of the Barbie movie. Glad you saw it so I don’t have to. It looks visually great but who wants to watch a 2 hour identity victim lecture?

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  • Paul N

    July 24, 2023 at 12:23 pm

    Sadly it is approaching the $200M box office sale number. Must be girls dragging their soy infused bf’s with them for a night of re-indoctrination into cuckdom… Maybe in Australia every man is required to watch this informative movie on how they should act around their partners? Who would pay to watch this dumpster fire?

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    • Fred Simmons

      August 6, 2023 at 9:27 am

      Fellas, is it gay to go to the movies with your girlfriend?

      Oh, and it’s approaching almost a billion dollars now, ‘lil guy. I hope you’re gonna be okay!

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  • Nolls

    July 24, 2023 at 1:05 pm

    Hi James,

    I imagine it would be helpful in writing these reviews if you first learned how to spell words correctly and write with appropriate syntax. Although, that may be considered too beta for an alpha male such as yourself.

    I want to let you know that I’ll be doing a review of your poorly written hate speech website for my 250,000 followers on TikTok. I’d love to sit down with you sometime to talk about why you chose to use movie reviews as a thinly veiled guise to promote your misogynistic, right winged agenda. If that’s too woke for you, I’ll settle on a discussion of why your pee-pee so small.

    Best,
    -eNolls

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    • stanedgie

      July 25, 2023 at 5:39 am

      250k followers? damn, out of which orifice on your body did you pull that piece of rubbish information out of. And only someone who has a small “pee-pee” would actually talk about small pee-pees, so, don’t out yourself little man, your membership to the local MAP community is on its way.

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    • TikTok iz ghey

      July 27, 2023 at 9:55 am

      Lol at u ghey tiktokker. Cry moar plz! We luv it. I’m sure James will appreciate the quarter million clicks you give him you foolish cringey slacktivist garbage-person. lololololoolol

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      • James Carrick

        July 27, 2023 at 6:34 pm

        I will, indeed but the additional ad revenue will be most delicious.

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    • ES

      July 28, 2023 at 9:51 pm

      Let me get this right, you are calling a man whom constantly lists strong women as role models, and was completely fair with “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret”, a misogynist?

      Then, by your own reasoning, I can label you a transphobe for your mocking the size of his anatomy in order to insult his masculinity, when any transman in existence would be far less impressive in that department.

      Especially considering that department doesn’t even exist for them.

      You are a hypocrite and not nearly as smart or funny as you would like to think.

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  • Nolls

    July 24, 2023 at 4:30 pm

    Hi James,

    One time a girl I had a crush on in middle school wouldn’t dance with me and now I hate all women. I really want to make my own misogynistic movie review site but I just don’t know where to start. Do you have any tips for me, given you’re already living the dream?

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  • Nolls

    July 24, 2023 at 4:34 pm

    Hello again James,

    It seems I’m being censored on your website, which must be by mistake given you right wingers are all about freedom and against censorship. Please correct this mistake as soon as possible. I know you wouldn’t intentionally do this!

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    • JF

      July 27, 2023 at 6:29 pm

      Geez, those ‘hormone therapy’ drugs are really doing a number on you, aren’t they?
      Maybe lower your dosage a bit, and stay away from online spaces that escalate your already fragile psychological state in the meantime.

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  • Lane

    July 30, 2023 at 12:51 am

    I am not a political person at all – if anything i would say i am more of an anarchist or libertarian if even that.

    however, the woke-themes in modern movies has sickened me to the core, it has spread to video games as well.

    How is it okay to expose sexual themes to children, inside of movies which are intentionally marketed to kids?
    Kids do not need to be learning about what barbie has between her legs either way and bringing a MAN (trans-woman blah blah) into the movie is almost pedophilic / predatory in nature, given the movies marketing target.

    It’s like leftists are grooming children through media.
    Won’t be long till it will be considered a hate crime to discriminate against pedophiles (pretty ure it already is in a few states), and sooner or later, it wouldn’t surprise me if the left started pushing for lower Age of consent and glorifying pedophiles inside of movies.

    I genuinely mean, it wouldn’t surprise me.

    Thanks for the review.

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  • Morten

    July 30, 2023 at 11:27 am

    I found this movie funny, and for an adult pretty non-woke, even though on the surface it is insanely woke. And it’s an absolute satire of feminism. Everything gets better when the kens start being masculine. It portrays the Barbies as psycho manipulative women exploiting Kens love for them. Also, Barbie ends up going to the real world, presumably to become a mother.

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    • Bill Morgan

      July 30, 2023 at 4:40 pm

      I disagree. The Kens becoming dude-bros was great, but you just KNOW that the Hollywood hacks HATE seeing men be happy and 100% support the narrative of the Barbies subverting them, rather than “satirizing” feminism.

      Psycho mom even gives a full speech on how it’s just so *impossible* to be a woman in the real world.

      Mattel bastardized a beloved franchise and it pains me to say that I now have no interest in seeing HotWheels, despite being completely immersed in the brand when I was a child.

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    • Nita

      July 31, 2023 at 6:43 am

      No, it´s just a self-own. The woketards who cretaed this movie believe men should be enslaved amd ruled by women, and the fact the feminazi dystopia is a dystopia goes over their heads.

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  • Jeffrey

    July 31, 2023 at 12:19 am

    The husband she stole from Jennifer Jason Leigh while making Greenberg? Greta Gerwig is a home wrecker, in other words a perfect example of morally depraved Hollywood.

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  • Doris Gardiner

    August 1, 2023 at 9:45 am

    I feel like we really missed the mark on this one… I took my grand kids and I thought this had a positive anti woke message.
    Barbie isnt feminist, she just embraces all things pink and girly while being what she wants.
    Ken realises he doesnt need approval from women to be what he wants – a great man. That’s ‘Kenough’.
    And the ending was perfect… Barbie decides to become a real woman and gets a VAGINA! So this film is against trans nonsense and knows that real ladies have vajajas.
    I think people just hate on this because its for girls, but it’s quite actually ‘BASED’!

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    • Anderseinn LaMarck

      October 22, 2023 at 5:02 pm

      I totally agree! It’s a film that promotes equality and even shows the dark side of feminism through Barbieland (female dominated society leaving Kens alienated). Remember it was the problems with Barbieland that led to the misogyny of the Kendom!

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    • lucia

      June 22, 2024 at 1:06 pm

      actually barbie doesn’t get a vagina! she goes to the gyno as most adult women do. not sure if you can understand this, but it’s not transphobic to get medical care. 🙂

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  • Molly

    August 2, 2023 at 5:48 pm

    The first scene is like something out of a horror movie: little girls are in some sort of boring, brown, depressing world playing with BABY dolls. Acting like mothers do. This is something that little girls have done for generations and it is healthy and beautiful. But in the Barbie movie it seems like they are having an awful time, until a huge Barbie comes along and these little girls decide to KILL their baby dolls by whacking them against each other. We watch as the dolls break into little pieces and the little girls choose Barbie over them.

    Then the whole movie is cringe-worthy, boring, slow, and so feminist that it hurt my brain. I think I can say that it’s the worst movie I have seen so far. All the men in the movie (the Kens and the Real World men) are either completely stupid or disgusting perverts. The women, on the other hand, are strong, intelligent, capable, and can very easily take over all the traditionally masculine jobs. It is very clear that they don’t need men at all.

    The plot was SO BORING and just plain awful. In the end, the Barbies trick the Kens by distracting them so that they can’t vote – go figure!!! There is a scene in which the Kens are lovingly playing their guitars and singing to the Barbies, who then ditch them on purpose. It is just sooooo ugly and a real eyesore.

    I hope they get the backlash they deserve. I really hope people see through it. The whole agenda/feminism/diversity/men-hating theme is more blatant than I have ever seen. They tell you to your face that men deserve nothing and that women don’t need them.

    I am so disgusted. I’m just grateful that I have raised my kids with an open mind and that they see through this kind of brainwashing. I hope others do too.

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  • Robin D. Snats

    August 4, 2023 at 3:58 pm

    Damn bro you better get on that TRT because there’s no way a crybaby airing his insecurities online and crying like a ###### like that can ever be called a man. It is ironic enough that someone writing ###### like that dares to recommend male role models to others.

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  • Richard

    August 28, 2023 at 6:25 am

    5 out of 5

    It’s not a misogynistic comment. Misogyny is hatred of women. That word has lost all meaning it gets thrown around every time a man says almost ANYTHING about a woman. Sexist maybe, but definitely not misogynistic.

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    • AnotherOne

      August 28, 2023 at 1:26 pm

      I’d suggest you clarify which sexist comment you are referring to, because there sure are a lot of them here.

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  • Richard

    August 28, 2023 at 6:45 am

    5 out of 5

    A lot of hate for this movie, and to be fair, it is all warranted. I will say one thing in its favour though, I went to see Oppenheimer on a Sunday night with my friend and his daughter and the cinema was packed. The foyer was full of girls and women dressed in pink. Whatever else you want to say about this movie (and it is woke, feminist, misandrist garbage of the highest order) and its agenda, but it WAS a proper event movie, has done a lot for getting bums on seats at the cinema and shows that there still is an appetite for people to go out and see movies instead of streaming. I for one would hate to see cinema die a death.

    Just a pity it had to be this film that did it…

    Funny how two beloved properties filled with nostalgia (Super Mario Bros and Barbie) are the two biggest movies of the year, but whereas Super Mario Bros really tapped into something positive, Barbie only drew from the well of feminist victimhood.

    I would be interested to see how a sequel to both movies would do against each other, especially now people know exactly what they are getting (the trailer for Barbie really hid the bad stuff).

    The Barbie movie looked like the set designers had a genuine love for Barbie, but the director was using it as a platform to push an agenda.

    The problem with that is, of course, that people are not stupid. Girls will see this movie and it may give them a transient sense of injustice and oppression. It may even make a lasting impression on a few, but I genuinely think that a few days in the real world after this movie and it will be forgotten about once these girls look around them and realise that, yes, there are douchebags out there, but that most men are by and large pretty inoffensive and some of them are even decent.

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  • Critical Thinker

    September 10, 2023 at 10:03 pm

    1 out of 5

    Hey jack@ss you realize that the movie’s not geared toward you? Yes, you’re allowed to have opinions on it like everyone else but your opinions are fundamentally detached because *shocker* YOU’RE NOT A WOMAN. You have never had the experience of being a mother, daughter, or woman in the workplace so–I hate to break it to you–your opinions are just a touch invalid. You’re missing the point of the entire movie and it’s so blatantly obvious in your petty, obnoxious, and downright crude “critique.” I understand that it’s your job to pander to your far-right friends but having such a catastrophically terrible take is a bit much. Is this the godly, Biblical example you’re setting for your kids? Calling women morbidly obese and horse-faced just because they had the terrible fortune to have a supporting role in a movie you hate? Go back to watching Fox News and whining about liberals instead of clogging up the internet with your intricately phrased bullish!t. Censor me if you dare. I invoke my First Amendment rights.

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  • Anderseinn LaMarck

    October 22, 2023 at 4:59 pm

    5 out of 5

    Have you seen the movie? It’s totally anti-woke! While it masks itself as a woke anti-patriarchy movie it also makes it clear that matriarchy is just as bad.

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  • Calook13

    November 7, 2023 at 7:05 pm

    1 out of 5

    It’s honestly hilarious how triggered “alpha males” get at how “woke” a movie about a children’s toy marketed towards girls

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    • Selrisitai

      November 8, 2023 at 1:31 am

      This is called an “appeal to ridicule,” an informal fallacy where you describe your opponent’s position in a silly way, essentially mocking it, in order to make it look foolish on its face.

      Other examples would include calling God a “wizard in the sky,” or saying that the movie Jurassic Park is dumb because it’s “just a bunch of people running around while monsters try to eat them.”

      There’s obviously a lot more to God or Jurassic Park than these sarcastic retorts would suggest, and so is the case with your attempt to belittle any frustration someone on the right might feel toward what he feels is propaganda.
      Propaganda in a movie that is based on a toy marketed for little girls. Perhaps you see the issue now.

      Peradventure you disagree that it’s propaganda. Well, now the argument is different. You’re not amused at our being triggered over a little girl’s cartoon, you’re amused at our being offended over non-existent propaganda, but of course, now you have to directly deal with the actual argument: Is there or is there not propaganda in the movie?
      That’s an argument that would require setting up, for instance, what exactly American values are, and what constitutes propaganda, and the collective ideological campaign being waged for the last seven years at least. Are men and women the same? Should we be the same? Is marriage good? Is sex good? in what context is sex good, if at all?

      Boy! That’s a lot to unpack. I can see why you went straight for the ridicule. Serious conversations take way too much time and energy.

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      • James Carrick

        November 8, 2023 at 7:08 am

        Honestly, it’s all worth it because he left a one-star rating thinking that he was rating my review instead of the movie.

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  • Belanah

    December 22, 2023 at 11:29 am

    I understand being anti-feminist I am one myself, but you do it with so much disrespect. No wonder the left thinks we are incredibly radical, horrible people. We do need to address immorality and controversial subjects, but can we do it with kindness please.

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  • lucia

    June 22, 2024 at 1:01 pm

    reading the article and all these comments makes me love barbie even more 🙂

    Reply

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